Just call me Jonah.

My awesome, amazing, wonderful church just finished up a three-week series on the book of Jonah called 'Don't Give Up On Me.'  Today, on the last day of the series, in the middle of Jason Strand's message, I came to a harsh realization: I am Jonah.  Noooo, I'm not saying that I got swallowed up by a whale and spent three days and three nights in his belly.  That didn't happen.  (Not yet anyways.) 

Before this series, that's all I knew about Jonah.  Jonah and the whale...we've all heard the story.  At least most of us have, when we were younger.  But how much do you really know about Jonah?  If you haven't read this book in the bible, I would encourage you to do so.  It's a short, very easy read that says so much about God's compassion and mercy in our lives.

Alright, back to comparing myself to Jonah.  Here are some words that I would use to describe Jonah:

Selfish

Angry

Unappreciative

Discontent

Now, if you don't spend a lot of time with me, you might be thinking..."Oh, Jill?  No way, she could never be that way.  She's always smiling, always positive, always happy."  But, oh no, that's not me.  I'm a pretty good actress, huh?  (Okay, that's definitely not true either, I'm a terrible actress.)  If you are my family, you know that those four words describe me more right now than ever before in my life.  (Terribly sorry Dad, Mom, and Julie.  Please know that I love you all so much.)

So how did I come to this conclusion?  Thank God for Jason Strand.  Seriously, this man speaks to my heart like none other.  He captures my full attention, he makes me laugh and cry.  During the first week of this series called 'Pursue Me When I Run' I was teary-eyed the ENTIRE time.  No joke.  I felt as if Jason Strand was talking directly to me.  Yes, I was overly emotional, having just worked an overnight, but I think even if I would have had a full night of sleep, I would have still cried.  

In the first chapter of Jonah, God instructs Jonah to travel to the city of Nineveh, in ancient Assyria (across the river from the city of Mosul in modern day Iraq) and tell the people of Nineveh to repent.  Apparently Nineveh was not the most pleasant city in the world at that time, so Jonah ran the opposite way and, in doing so, also ran away from God.

I am running.

I haven't quite figured out why or what I'm running from yet, although I have some ideas.  I know that there are things in my life that God wants me to do that I am just not ready for.  

Jonah boarded a ship which he thought would take him away from God.  But nope, God followed.  And actually, God sent a giant storm in this ship's direction.  Jonah tried and tried to ignore the storm by hiding in the bottom of the ship and falling asleep while letting his fellow shipmates endure it on the top deck.  (How nice of him.)  But Jonah and his shipmates knew that God had thrown this storm their way because of him.  So naturally, they threw him overboard.  (How nice of them.  But hey, Jonah asked for it.)  This is when the big fish came, swallowed Jonah, and kept him in his belly for three days and three nights until Jonah finally repented to the Lord and the fish spit him up on dry land.  (Yummy.)  Okay, that was a really quick overview of the first and second chapter of Jonah.  Please read it for more detail.  

The point that I'm trying to make is that SO many of us have storms in our life that we are just endlessly defying.  I can name a couple in my own life.  What we may not realize is that, if we are running from God in one way or another, he is sending the storms our way!  Here is a brilliant quote about these dang storms from Jason Strand's message that really struck me.  

"Whenever we try running from God, he's committed to making our lives miserable - for our sakes.  And so often, he'll use some kind of storm to do it, not to punish but to mercifully intervene.  It's an act of God's mercy to send the storm.  And until we see God-sent storms as interventions and not punishments, we'll never get better; we'll only get bitter.  Some difficult circumstances you're facing right now may well be a God-sent storm of mercy intended to be his intervention in your life."  - Tulian Tchividjian, author of Surprised by Grace

Holy cow!  Hellllooooo, Jill.  So this is why I'm so bitter.  I'm resenting the fact that all of the troubles I'm going through right now are storms sent by God.  Instead of praying and asking God to calm the storms in my life, I'm trying to fix them myself.  And obviously, this is not working for me.  Not at all.  So why am I still dealing with storms, even three weeks after this quote shook my world?  Because I am Jonah.  STILL!  I'm still Jonah.  So stinkin' stubborn.

On to chapter three.  (I promise we're almost done here.  Kind of...)  God gives Jonah a second chance.  Hurray!  This is wonderful news!  The God of the earth and the heavens and the seas and the sky gives second chances!  (Lucky for me, he gives third and fourth and fifth and sixth and seventh and eighth and...okay, you get the picture.)  

So Jonah went to Nineveh, said a few words, and got the entire city of Nineveh to repent.  Pretty sweet, huh?  So God spares Nineveh the disaster that was going to happen because they repented and put their trust in Him.  You'd think Jonah would be ecstatic about this right?  But he's not.  He's ANGRY.  What?  Yes, angry.  Basically he's angry because he had to go all the way to Nineveh and face the people for nothing.  He got them to repent but they weren't punished at all.  So he goes up onto a hill to watch the city of Nineveh.  The Lord, being the gracious God that he is, grew a plant for Jonah so that he would be relieved from the sunlight.  Jonah was stoked about this.  But the next day, the Lord, being the gracious God that he is, sent a worm to attack the plant and cause it to die.  Jonah was not so stoked about this.  

People like Jonah are happy when they are comfortable, but angry when they face discomfort.  This is me.  (Surprise!)  Jonah only cared about himself.  He didn't care that the entire city of Nineveh was just saved from the wrath of God because of what he did.  He cared that he had to travel alllll the way to Nineveh and God didn't even destroy Nineveh.  He cared only about his comfort.  

This is me.  Right now, I'm comfortable.  I'm not ready to face discomfort even if it means doing what God is calling me to do.  I just want to stay where I am and watch my life unfold around me.  I'm watching people in my life suffer because I'm afraid of making myself uncomfortable.

So how do I deal with this?  I don't know...any advice for me?  Lots of prayer.  Lots of reading and reflecting on Jonah and trying to find the anti-Jonah and then reading and reflecting on that.  I feel like I am buried so deep now in the storms of life that it's going to take me a while to get back up there.